Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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