You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She bit a glass in half.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
