did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
