so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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