I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
