It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
