I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
