1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
