What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
