M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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