you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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