i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
