I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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