My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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