dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
