Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
