operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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