I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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