Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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