I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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