omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
