I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize