This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
