you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
