Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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