My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
