Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
