dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
