I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
