he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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