My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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