dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
