oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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