Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
