tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
