found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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