If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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