don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
