I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
