watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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