i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize