just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
