wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
