And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
