Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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