What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
