a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
