i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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