one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
