Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
