I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
sex in a hospital.. check
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
