Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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