Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
