This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
