I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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