Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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