My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
