Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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