already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
