i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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