At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
